The short version
A dating app scam almost always follows the same script. Someone matches with you, moves the chat off the app quickly, becomes intensely affectionate, always has a reason they can’t meet or video call, and eventually asks for money, gift cards, crypto or a code sent to your phone, or offers to help you invest. If someone you haven’t met in person asks for any of those, stop. The FTC’s rule is simple: never send money or gifts to a love interest you haven’t met in person.
Stage 1: ‘Let’s move to WhatsApp’
In reports to the FTC, many people said the scammer quickly moved the conversation to WhatsApp, Google Chat or Telegram. Tinder’s safety tips say to keep conversations on Tinder while you’re getting to know someone, and the FTC lists the push off the platform as an early sign.
Being asked for your number isn’t proof of a scam. Plenty of real people want to text. The red flag is the combination: they want to move fast and they still won’t meet or video call. Match Group calls that pairing a clear warning sign.
- What to say: ‘I keep chats on the app until we’ve met. Happy to keep talking here.’
Stage 2: Too much, too soon, from too far away
Scammers build trust quickly. The FTC says the relationship moves fast, and they may chat several times a day. They also need a reason not to meet. In FTC data, a faraway military base was the most common excuse. Other stories the FTC lists include working on an offshore oil rig or for an international organization.
Real people who live far away can still do a video call. Ask for a short one this week. Someone who always has a broken camera, bad signal or a reason to wait is answering your question.
- What to say: ‘Before we go further, let’s do a quick video call. Ten minutes, whenever works this week.’
Stage 3: The ask
Match Group warns that scammers often don’t bring up money until months in, so a long relationship isn’t proof it’s real. When the ask comes, it usually takes one of these forms, all from the FTC’s list of romance scammers’ favorite stories:
- An emergency: they or a relative are sick, hurt or in jail and need money now.
- A trip: they need money for a plane ticket or visa so they can finally visit you.
- A package: they’ve sent you something valuable, and you just need to pay the ‘customs fee’.
- An opportunity: they’re a successful crypto investor and want to teach you.
The investment version is the expensive one
This one doesn’t feel like a request for money, which is why it works. The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center says criminals use dating apps to build trust, then steer people to a crypto investment site or app that they control. The dashboard shows impressive gains. When you try to withdraw, you’re told to pay a fee or taxes first, and the money never comes back.
Tinder’s guidance is blunt: don’t make investments or open accounts with someone you matched with, or through services or websites they recommend. If a match brings up returns, trading or ‘my uncle’s platform’, that’s the end of the conversation.
- If you’ve already invested: don’t pay any withdrawal fee or tax, and report it at ic3.gov.
- If someone then offers to recover your money for a fee, that’s a second scam. IC3 says not to pay anyone who claims they can recover lost funds.
The code scam: ‘Just send me the number you get’
If a match asks you to read back a code sent to your phone, whatever the reason, stop. Verification codes are how you log into your own accounts. The FTC is clear: anyone who asks you for your account verification code is a scammer. Don’t share it, even if the reason sounds harmless.
Payment methods are a tell too. The FTC says scammers ask for wire transfers, gift cards, payment apps or crypto because the money is hard to get back. In 2022, gift cards were the most commonly reported way people lost money to romance scams. No real partner needs you to read them the numbers on a gift card.
Three checks that take five minutes
If something feels off, check before you argue with yourself about it.
How to talk to strangers online safely
- Reverse image search their profile photo. If the face shows up under a different name, you have your answer.
- Search their claimed job plus the word ‘scammer’. The FTC suggests this because the same cover stories get reused.
- Tell one friend the whole story. The FTC recommends it, because people outside the relationship spot what’s hard to see from inside.
Report it, then help the next person
Report the profile to the app where you met, and report the scam to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. If you sent money, contact your bank or the payment company right away and ask whether it can be reversed. Don’t be embarrassed. Younger adults are targets too: in FTC data for 2022, people aged 18 to 29 were more than six times as likely as people 30 and over to report sextortion.
If you’re worried about a parent or friend, start with questions, not accusations. ‘Have you two video called yet?’ lands better than ‘That’s a scammer.’
On HMU, which is for adults 18 and over, you can report or block anyone at any point. Do it the moment someone asks for money, a code or an ‘investment’. You don’t need to be certain it’s a scam first.
Related articles
- How to Talk to Strangers Online Safely (as an Adult) — What to keep private, the lines that should end a chat, how to check someone is real, and what to do if it goes wrong. Sourced from the FTC and FBI.
- Omegle Alternatives for Adults: Safer Picks, Honest Risks — Omegle shut down in November 2023. Adult-only alternatives with real moderation and reporting, what each does well, and the risks that remain.
- Wizz App Review for Adults: Safety, Cost and HMU vs Wizz — Wizz is open from 16 and built around age-matched swiping. What its safety system does, what it costs, and when an adult should pick HMU instead.
- Who Pays Doesn’t Decide What Happens After the Date — Discuss a date’s cost and bill clearly, accept or decline an offer to pay, and keep affection, another date, and consent separate from the receipt.