The short answer
Pick one online space built around something you already do, show up there often enough that people recognize your name, and move one conversation at a time from public to private to a shared activity. Friends come from repetition, not from one great chat.
Set your expectations, too. In the American Perspectives Survey, 8% of Americans with close friends had met at least one of them online. Far more met one through work (54%) or through friends they already had (40%). Online works, but it works best as a way into regular contact, not as a one-off swap of messages.
Where to start, by what you like
Go where a shared interest gives you something to talk about every day. A general ‘make friends’ space has nothing to keep a conversation going after hello.
- You play games: the Discord server for your game or your favorite streamer. Servers listed in Discord’s Server Discovery have at least 1,000 members and must be at least 8 weeks old, so for a smaller crowd, look for the server linked from a community you already follow.
- You have a hobby: the forum, Discord or group chat for it. Runners, knitters, film nerds, home cooks and fantasy-football leagues all have one.
- You want local friends: Meetup. Free members can join and RSVP to as many groups and events as they like, and post in Group Discussion before the first meetup.
- You want a friends-only app: BFF from Bumble. It’s free, has one-on-one chats and Groups, and every match has passed selfie verification.
- You’d rather talk now than browse: HMU, below.
Be a regular before you’re a friend
In any community, the same twenty usernames do most of the talking. Become one of them. Comment on other people’s posts more than you post your own, answer newcomers’ questions, and show up in the same channel at roughly the same time. After two or three weeks, people start replying because they recognize you.
This is the online version of being a regular at a coffee shop. It feels slow, but it’s the step most people skip, and it’s why their DMs feel cold.
From public thread to DM
Move to a private conversation when you’ve had two or three back-and-forths with someone in public. Make the reason specific, so it doesn’t feel random.
- ‘Didn’t want to clog the thread, but you’re the only other person here who likes that album. What else are you listening to?’
- ‘You mentioned you’re learning to cook Thai food. I’ve been trying too. Any recipe that actually worked for you?’
- ‘You’re always on at the same time as me. Want to queue together tonight?’
From DM to friendship
A good DM thread isn’t a friendship yet. Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall estimated it takes about 50 hours together to become casual friends and about 90 to become friends, and hanging out, joking around and playing video games counted. Online, that means doing things together, not just messaging about them.
Climb one step at a time, and let the other person set the pace.
How to meet an online friend in person
- Text: a few days of back-and-forth about the thing you share.
- Something together: play a match, watch the same episode and message through it, or trade playlists.
- Voice or video: ‘Easier to talk than type. Want to hop on a call while we play?’
- A standing plan: ‘Same time next Tuesday?’ Repetition is what turns a good chat into a friend.
- In person, if you’re both local and want to: a public place, a short plan, your own way home.
Keep a few habits while you’re getting to know someone
Most people you meet online are exactly who they say they are. A few habits protect you from the few who aren’t. Keep your address, workplace, daily routine and financial details to yourself until you know someone well. Say no to anyone who asks for money, gift cards or private photos, or who pushes you to move to another app right away. Video call before you meet in person.
If something feels off, you don’t owe an explanation. Block, report and leave.
If you’d rather skip the browsing
Communities take weeks. If you want to talk to someone new tonight, HMU is built for that. It’s for adults 18+, and every request starts with a real first message. Discover has For You, Nearby and Recent tabs, and every profile has a question to answer. Meet Now pairs you with one person for five minutes with the same opening prompt, and the chat continues only if you both choose Keep.
It’s free on iPhone and Android, with 3 Meet Now introductions a day, and you can report or block anyone. When a chat clicks, use the same steps as above: something together, then a standing plan.
Related articles
- Apps to Make Friends as an Adult: An Honest Comparison — BFF, Meetup, Timeleft, 222, Yubo, and HMU compared by how you actually meet people, what it costs, and who each one suits.
- How to Make Friends in Your 40s: Start With Who You Know — Midlife is when loneliness peaks. How to make friends in your 40s by reviving old ties, hosting, and finding people at your stage, with exact messages.
- How to Meet an Online Friend in Person (Safely) — How to bring up meeting, check they’re real, plan a safe first meetup, and handle the awkward first hour, so an online friend becomes a real-life one.
- How to Make Friends With Social Anxiety, One Step at a Time — A step-by-step way to make friends when meeting people scares you: a practice ladder, three lines to bring, and when to talk to a professional.