What the office was doing for you
If working from home has made you lonelier, the numbers back you up. In Gallup’s 2024 State of the Global Workplace report, 25% of fully remote employees said they had felt lonely a lot of the previous day. The figure was 21% for hybrid workers and 16% for people fully on-site.
The work itself was never what made friends. Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found that hours spent working together count for less than time spent hanging out and joking around. The office mattered because of the time around the work: the walk to lunch, the five minutes before a meeting starts, the drink nobody planned. Remote work removed that time. More video calls and a busier Slack won’t bring it back. You have to put it back on purpose, in places where you can see people in person.
Do the math on hours
Hall’s estimate is roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 to become friends, and more than 200 for a close friend. That makes the problem concrete. A 90-minute class once a week gets you to 50 hours with a classmate in about eight months, if you actually talk. Three or four overlapping contacts a week with the same people gets you there in a season.
So the goal is not one big social event. It is four or five small, repeated windows a week where the same faces show up.
Use the hours office workers can’t
Your best advantage is your calendar. Office workers crowd into the same 6 p.m. classes and Saturday mornings. You can go to the 7 a.m. run, the noon yoga class, or the climbing gym at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. Off-peak sessions are smaller, and the regulars notice a new face, which is exactly what you need.
Pick one weekday-daytime activity and treat it like a recurring meeting you can’t move.
What to expect at your first run club
- Early run club or swim session before you log on
- A lunchtime class: yoga, pottery, a language lesson
- A mid-afternoon climbing or bouldering session when the gym is quiet
- A two-hour weekday volunteer shift at a food bank or library
Take one workday a week out of the house
Choose one spot with regulars, such as a cafe, a library reading room, or a coworking space with a day pass, and work from it on the same day every week. By the third week you will recognize people, and recognition makes it easy to start a conversation. Keep the first line small and about the place you share.
If nobody nearby does this, start it yourself. A standing ‘cowork from the cafe on Thursdays’ post in a neighborhood group often gets two or three replies, and that is enough.
How to host a quiet coworking meetup
- ‘Are you here most Wednesdays too? I keep seeing you at this table.’
- ‘What are you working on? You’ve been typing faster than me all morning.’
- ‘I’m going to grab lunch around the corner. Want me to save your spot?’
Get to know remote coworkers outside work
Your colleagues are still the people you spend the most hours with. What’s missing is the off-topic time. Book a 20-minute call with no agenda and say so up front. Or post in the team channel when you will be in a city where coworkers live: ‘I’m in Denver Thursday and Friday. Anyone up for lunch?’
If a colleague lives nearby, invite them somewhere that isn’t about work. A Saturday hike tells them you want a friend, not just a work contact.
A sample week with people in it
Here is one way to fit five contact points into a normal remote week without losing work time. Swap in your own activities, but keep the shape: the same days, the same places, every week.
- Monday: a 7 a.m. run with the same club
- Tuesday: a no-agenda call with one coworker
- Wednesday: work from the same cafe from 10 to 2
- Thursday: a lunchtime class
- Saturday: one small plan with someone from the week
Fill the quiet evening with one conversation
For many remote workers, the hardest part of the day is when the laptop closes and you realize you haven’t spoken out loud since your morning coffee order. That is a good time for a short, real conversation rather than an hour of scrolling.
HMU’s Meet Now is built for that moment. You join only when you are free to talk. HMU finds one compatible person and gives you both the same opening prompt, so nobody has to think of an opener. You talk for five minutes. Then each of you privately chooses Keep or Pass, and the chat continues only if you both choose Keep. HMU is for adults 18+, free on iPhone and Android, with optional HMU Premium. People use it for friendship, dating, or both, so say early which you want.
Keep the first plan small and close to home
When someone from your cafe, class, or a good chat seems like a friend, invite them to something that fits a remote schedule. ‘I’m working from the library Friday morning. Want to cowork and grab lunch after?’ is easier to accept than a whole evening, and it adds hours without adding pressure.
Meet in a public place the first few times. If they say no, ask once more later with a different plan, then move on. Your weekly routine will keep bringing new people.
Related articles
- Apps to Make Friends as an Adult: An Honest Comparison — BFF, Meetup, Timeleft, 222, Yubo, and HMU compared by how you actually meet people, what it costs, and who each one suits.
- How to Make Friends After a Breakup: A Rebuild Plan — Drifted friends, a shared circle, empty weekends. A three-month plan to rebuild your social life after a breakup, with messages you can send today.
- How to Make Friends in a New City — A first-90-days plan for meeting people after a move: what to do in week one, which apps help, and how to turn new faces into real friends.
- How to Feel More Comfortable Attending a Social Event Alone — Make going solo feel more manageable with a simple plan for arriving, meeting people, taking breaks, and leaving on your terms.